Four years ago, I opened a blank page in my journal and I wrote out as detailed as I could what peace looked like to me. Mango scented candles burning as I sat in what was a newly designed home office space. I was so at peace in the current moment and so grateful for what I had right then and there that it was sort of hard to want more beyond that particular space in time. I asked myself out loud, what does ultimate peace look like to me? What do I look like? What am I wearing? Where am I? Who is there?

I figured these questions would point to a clear image and with further meditation, I could put the pieces together and say boldly what peace looked like in my life. The candlelight flickered off my journal pages and I, fully conscious and aware began to dream. I opened my mind up entirely to my imagination and relaxed. With eyes open staring into my journal I was transported to a mid-century style home. The marbled countertops, exposed beam ceilings, airy yet cozy layout, flat, geometric. An artistic expression of genius. It was morning, I stood in a kitchen dressed in a white t-shirt and grey sherpa loungewear. My hair was up high, in a droopy bun filled with beautiful loc’s. My body is strong, toned, and balanced. I grasped a coffee mug and gazed out into the family room. My son and daughter laid out in front of the television. Jazz played softly in the background from my husband toiling with his vinyl collection earlier that day. I would then began to prepare a meal for my loved ones. My husband would join the children and me in our breakfast nook and enjoy the sustenance. After a perfect meal full of nutrients, fresh foods, and hilarious conversation we would follow one another back into the family room and share a few moments together discussing our plans for the day and covering one another in affirmation. Peace to me is being with family. Family to me is love. Love is being able to see yourself in those surrounding you. Being able to see yourself with love is to see with the eyes of God. I wrote down all I saw and closed my journal. I felt a warm excitement rush over me. Yes, that is the feeling you need right there. Manifestation occurs when you connect emotion to thought. I dreamed of that peace and felt so much gratitude and excitement as if I had truly been there already, in that mid-century style home with my family. I thought to myself, well I may not have that dream home just yet, or the family but I can certainly be the woman I envisioned. The exterior representation would take time, but little by little I would lovingly allow myself to be the her.

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The story does not end there. It has been several years. I do not have a son and a daughter but two amazing highly compatible little boys. My significant other does not toil with a vinyl collection but toils around the house fixing things and working on renovation projects. I cut out my locs because I realized how OCD I am about cleaning each strand of my hair as thoroughly as possible. But somehow, some way, we are living in the exact home I dreamed of. I will share the details of how this came to be in another post. My life is a complete work in progress and sometimes it feels like my life is way more chaotic than peaceful but I can clearly see God’s perfect will is being done. It is those occasional moments when I see my boys laid out in the tv room while I sip my coffee from the kitchen that I recognize where I am and how far God’s grace has brought me. His plans are a bit different than mine but I can clearly see how he still blesses me with most things that are so identical to my hearts desires that I am in shock and awe looking back through my journal. Again, my life has it’s hefty portion of chaos as opposed to peace, but even in that I am grateful and thankful to continue to dream.

Dreaming Stock photos by Vecteezy