After reading the hand full of blog posts I generated last year something was abundantly clear. I have been holding back, & playing it safe. 

I have this coping mechanism of turning inward on myself when things aren’t panning out instead of allowing myself to just want the things I truly desire. Say the things I need to say. Instead of giving myself the things I need, I turn them into wants and look for ways to outgrow my hearts desires. 

I tolerated and enabled the wrong behaviors in relationships while neglecting praise in others. I made excuses for my inconsistent communication and the while I was making myself sick. Physically ill. No supplement, amount of exercise or meditation practice will heal you when you have poor boundaries and difficulties communicating your emotions with others. 

I saw emotional expression as weakness. Sad but it’s true. It was easier that way. Easier to blame myself and focus on the need to grow and mature instead of holding myself and others accountable for what I was tolerating. It was easier to ignore how someone else’s actions affected me instead of confronting them. The energy it would take to “teach” others how to treat me felt all too expensive. There I would be, drained almost daily from being walked on and treated below my own standards. 

It has not been easy but I’ve adopted a balance. A balance between letting some things go, expressing myself emotionally and placing down firm boundary lines with ample conversational clarity as to how certain behaviors affect me.

This in a nut shell has cleared most if not all of my low energy, poor mood and gut health imbalances. Boundaries and proper communication. See, I trust myself now. I trust myself to know when to be the bigger person and when there is a serious conversation that needs to be had on behalf of my inner child.

I’ve learned the art of emotional control is accomplished though frequent expression of emotional responses. Key word responses not reactions. A response is the 20 second pause you take before expressing how something affected you and what will be accepted or not accepted. A reaction is an emotionally fueled fear based outpouring of spirit that could result in harm or confusion on the recipients end. 

Needless to say, a reaction is what our child brain thinks is what gets the job done. If we take a minute to look at the neuroscience, much can be lent to the subject. Here are my notes on the topic from a sermon preached by my Pastor, John Carter;

Phroneo(Hebrew)- Mindset: Pre programming developed over time 

Set of thoughts/feelings/ and behaviors, 

The three stages of brain development 

1. Child brain 0-11 yrs : Cerebellum area of the brain. No comforting abilities – reactionary. Concrete thinking, if it’s here it’s real. Children collapse in pain (emotionally dysregulate – tantrum *when I am unable to meet my needs I emotionally detach/hide 

1. Teen Brain 10-12 yrs : The amygdala connects to limbic system. Feeling regulation. Feels deeply and acts impulsively. Brilliant gift. Utilizes defenses and need meeting behaviors. Binary thinking. Black or white. They can become very abusive against any threat. 
2. Adult Mindset 21-33yrs : The greatest gift. The ability to have complex thinking. Able to hold multiple thoughts at the same time. Objective reasoning. It says “I can appreciate the good and call out the bad. I can just live.” Frontal cortex area of the brain. Able to separate feelings from facts. We can think about what we are thinking. Connects with maturity in Christ. Right side holds creativity & left side holds logical and organizational thinking.

Awareness sparks humility. Which part of your brain is in control? All it takes is a moment of honesty. Are you hiding and detaching? Are you abusing those around you with tyrannical micromanagement to protect your own insecurities? If so, make the conscious switch. 

Read Phillipians chapter 4-8:9

& 1st Corinthians 

Takeaway- Don’t allow unmatured parts of your brain take control. Ask yourself; What new thoughts and feelings need to be developed? Don’t just stop the behavior. Replace the behaviors.

What new behaviors have you adopted lately? Leave me a comment